20080819

1) Women. Please, if there is any love in the world and you hope to align yourselves with that love rather than with the soul-sucking sinkhole of sun bleached bones and rendered fat that you seem so desperate to make allegiances with, do yourselves (and those who care for you) a tremendous favour. Stop calling your husband or other women's husbands "hubbies."

Really. Trust me. Your husband doesn't like it and the universe doesn't like it.

The fact of the matter is that hubby is a dumb word. Dumber than a bag of hammers, one might be tempted to say—though that barely scratches the surface of what an appalling term hubby is. Even inane terms of affection like Lumlums or Snookiewoozums come off as highfalutin technical jargon in comparison to what may be the stupidest word to get tossed into that vat of language stew we call English.

Seriously. Knock it off with the Hubby business. You make the angles cry.

2) If you're the kind of person who really feels the need to adopt interthing-speak into daily conversation, i would highly recommend choosing carefully the terms you employ. Some might sound cute or hip or ironic, while others just sound like you're a fifth-grader who's trying to hard.

Case in point. The Monk has recently heard two individuals actually pronounce "meh" in real conversation. This is where you, the reader, should be shaking your head, deep in the throes of pity. For my own part, I have actually heard people say in earnest, things like "oh em gee" and "el oh ell." This stuff hurts me. It hurts me right in the soul. This is what our great nation has come to. Even Obama doesn't offer enough hope to bring back our innocence.

Other awkwardlies I've heard? Powned. Gee two gee. Laugh out loud. And other stuff I have purged from my memory through the delicate and persistent use of strong licker.